For the past few days, I have been thinking a lot about actions.
Most of us day-dream our way through life, without caring much about the repercussions of our actions. Even the tiniest of things that we do can have such a big impact on the people around us. We don’t always get to see this- but when we do, its normally too late or a lot of water has flown under the bridge.
I was watching an interview of Sanjay Mishra the other day where he talked about never having raised his voice in front of his father. But on one occasion, he was meeting him after several years. His father and his friends were accompanying him for watching a movie of his. Sanjay was not in the best of health then. He was heavily medicated and weak. A guard at the multiplex was incessantly asking him for pictures in various poses with him. After a point, Sanjay lost his cool and shouted profanities on him. His father was there, and so were his friends- and he didn’t say a word during the entire screening. In the lift after the movie, his father said “you should not have behaved that way”.
A week later, his father passed away. When Sanjay went to the funeral- he picked up his father’s diary that he was religiously maintaining for a long time. He had made a note on the day of the film too- saying that he was very disappointed with the way his son had behaved. Now Sanjay could do nothing but weep cursing himself for the image of him that he left his father with- even though he wasn’t really that person.
I have shed more tears on Sushant Singh Rajput’s death that I have for anyone in my life. And I have never even met the man. His thoughts, ideas, movies, book suggestions, posts about science and religion, had greatly influenced my being. He used to make these long posts about his dream- and somewhere, I wanted to see him achieve all that he wished to achieve in life. He was a source of positivity to me- someone about whom I have had endless discussions with my friends, who have not really seen most of his works but have known him from the descriptions that I gave about him and his thoughts. Someone who was intellectually brilliant , who worked as a background dancer on shows and went on to walk on the red carpets of the same events. He always radiated immense positivity that had greatly influenced me. But sadly, none of his friends , family or over 10 million of his followers on social media could be a source of the same for him. He killed himself, and left several like me grappling in its wake.
I was reading that a couple of days prior to his death, he had asked his father to come over to Mumbai if possible. But his father- probably in his late 50’s , staying 1700 km away in times of COVID with over 50000 cases in the city of Mumbai, did not see the severity of his son’s plight , and could not come immediately.
At his death, somehow, none of those things made any difference, as a flight was arranged and he did come over the Mumbai and see his son- but only after it was too late. His sister-in-law was very attached to him. She had stopped eating after his death, and as the father was lighting the flame to his young son’s body, she lost her life too in shock. Over a span of couple of days- an entire family’s life was completely torn apart- that all started with one action.
I think of all the times I must have been harsh on people- through school, college, life- some of whom have later on reminded me over the phone of the harsh things I had said to them in 9th or 10th standard- and now, even 10 years later, they still remember those words.
Ironically, I have no memory of saying these things- but then these people are still hurting when they recollect that memory – but these actions of mine that I have no recollection of had such a profound experience on the receiver that they still remember it.
That’s how life is. Good things have a very short life span. The cards you make on the occasion of a friend’s birthday, the train journey’s you take to spend some quality time with your people you want to be with, the several hours you spend hearing their rants patiently as you know that all they want at the moment is far somebody to hear them out- these memories will be forgotten in the labyrinth of our memories- but the ugly moments live on even decades later- the one time your friend said nasty things to you in over 15 years of friendship, the one-time your teacher scolded you even though deep down you knew you were her favourite, the time you lost your cool in front of your parents in over 2 decades of your relationship together, these moments somehow live on.
The good is forgotten very often- the bad remains. All the more reason for you to do 2 things in life- remember the good times, talk to your friends and family about it. Discuss the positives too, we are always so focussed on correcting our negatives that nobody really bothers to celebrate the positives. If you have a friend who is a good writer or artist or musician, and you have been seeing their work for a long time- don’t take it for granted and say nothing thinking “ he’s always been so good”. You might convey the same to the person as well, and those 2 words of kindness that they weren’t expecting to hear anymore would be a pleasant surprise for them.
The other- is to be careful with your words and actions. You might still hurt other unintentionally, but at least you can do what’s in your hands- being mindful of your thoughts, words and deeds and acting accordingly.
For all that we have is the people around us, so let’s try and make our surroundings a better place to live and breathe- with our conscious efforts.
-Abhishek kumar
Four Pints Down 